The cat is finally out of the bag. I'm moving to Northern California. Why you ask? Didn't you just buy a house last year? Yes I did. Oh how things can change in short order.
I've been struggling for a while to find my way, not feeling entirely content here in the nation's capital. There were the continual questions about the future of my career. I saw plenty of people around me going nowhere fast and many quite comfortable with that existence. I don't fault them for their choices. It is simply a matter of priorities. Mine just don't happen to align with theirs.
In this environment, I thought for a long time that I could simply go it alone and recruit others along the way to do what I felt was important. To a certain degree, I've been successful at that and the results are clear. Yet I know it is possible to do more.
I realized finally that it is impossible to divorce oneself completely from the environment one is embedded in. One may be able to temporarily move forward and accomplish great things; yet there will be long-term consequences if your objectives are not in line with the broader agenda of the organization you are embedded in.
There are cultural problems as well that I find fundamentally flawed. I bring a strong desire to think big and make an impact. Yet I continually find naysayers that believe it is impossible. I say that it is not impossible; yet it requires a willingness to think outside the box, to believe and to persevere.
I tried my best to change the culture one person at a time within my local organization. I made a dent but I hardly altered the course of the ship overall. The problem is way beyond what I can accomplish through sheer force of will. Therefore I realized it is time to move on to an environment that values my outlook.
Living on the West Coast will suit me well in many other aspects of life. There people value balance and healthy living. They are fundamentally less stressed and it shows in the littlest of behaviors. The weather and surroundings are wonderful as well. For someone like myself that loves the outdoors, California represents one giant outdoor playground.
I have two more weeks in the office before my summer commences work-free. I'm still working on selling the house and moving. Yet I have some time. I'll be starting my new job in early September. Let the adventures begin.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Public Insults
A father walks in the street.
He speaks nothing but insults.
His daughter walks distantly on the sidewalk.
She halfheartedly fights back, absorbing a bit of each verbal blow.
Why must this man abuse his own?
What trauma is propagating forward?
How do we stop this virus spreading from generation to generation?
A sick strata of society that has collapsed.
I do not know.
He speaks nothing but insults.
His daughter walks distantly on the sidewalk.
She halfheartedly fights back, absorbing a bit of each verbal blow.
Why must this man abuse his own?
What trauma is propagating forward?
How do we stop this virus spreading from generation to generation?
A sick strata of society that has collapsed.
I do not know.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Spoke Too Soon
While talking with neighbor K out front, a police officer pulled up, blocked the entrance to the alley and walked in.
"At least he wasn't running in with his gun drawn."
Minutes later three police officers came running down the sidewalk and into the alley. One was carrying a rifle while the other two had their service weapons drawn.
Well there goes the neighborhood.
Minutes later those same officers ran back out of the alley and shouted to us to get in our houses. And off we went.
All was soon under control, yet we have no idea what actually went down.
Fun times in the neighborhood. Peace and quiet punctuated more often now by crime.
"At least he wasn't running in with his gun drawn."
Minutes later three police officers came running down the sidewalk and into the alley. One was carrying a rifle while the other two had their service weapons drawn.
Well there goes the neighborhood.
Minutes later those same officers ran back out of the alley and shouted to us to get in our houses. And off we went.
All was soon under control, yet we have no idea what actually went down.
Fun times in the neighborhood. Peace and quiet punctuated more often now by crime.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Personal Science Experiment
As I've mentioned previously, in the last several months, I've been deeply engaged in trying to understand the root causes of several health issues I have. Some I've just accepted for years on end. Others have only come to pass in more recent times. To my surprise, they are all in fact connected and rooted in the digestive tract. They are also a function of the food that I eat. My body is a system just like any other that performs well when given certain inputs and poorly when given others. Unfortunately none of us are given a user's manual to tell us the operating conditions under which optimal performance is achieved. We are left to figure that out if we so desire. Or to accept what we obtain and move on.
Through slow and deliberate testing, I learn more and more as time passes. When I get things right, it's amazing. When I misstep, it can be quite uncomfortable. This week has been one of the latter as I've been taking some new supplements as suggested by my doctor. He asked me to start taking a few different ones. Thankfully I had the good sense to take them incrementally in case one of them threw me off. Even still, I started with a couple that were the multivitamin supplements. Within 12 hours, I was wiped out, barely making it through the day. So I started backing off the vitamins, going down to the core multivitamin. My condition has improved but I'm still not right. I have to be patient and wait a few days just to make sure I know what the outcome is. What steady state results.
It's tough to be patient in times like these. To stick to the regime just to be sure of the outcome. There are some days that I just want to be well, instead of running at 3/4 speed. I keep reminding myself of the good things I've learned and the improvements I've made. The overall direction is positive. I just don't know how long the journey will be.
Over the holidays I was feeling great. I could not eat much initially but I still felt good. Even the food sensitivities started fading. The early part of this year felt like a step backwards. With a continuous dull headache and sensitivity to sugar once again, I was slipping back to a worse state. So then the search was on for what change was critical. I'm still sorting that all out.
I hope by this summer to be in great shape, having finally licked the major remaining mysteries. My fingers are crossed as I forge ahead. There's no doubt in my mind that in time I will work this all out. I just need to maintain my resolve to stay the course.
Through slow and deliberate testing, I learn more and more as time passes. When I get things right, it's amazing. When I misstep, it can be quite uncomfortable. This week has been one of the latter as I've been taking some new supplements as suggested by my doctor. He asked me to start taking a few different ones. Thankfully I had the good sense to take them incrementally in case one of them threw me off. Even still, I started with a couple that were the multivitamin supplements. Within 12 hours, I was wiped out, barely making it through the day. So I started backing off the vitamins, going down to the core multivitamin. My condition has improved but I'm still not right. I have to be patient and wait a few days just to make sure I know what the outcome is. What steady state results.
It's tough to be patient in times like these. To stick to the regime just to be sure of the outcome. There are some days that I just want to be well, instead of running at 3/4 speed. I keep reminding myself of the good things I've learned and the improvements I've made. The overall direction is positive. I just don't know how long the journey will be.
Over the holidays I was feeling great. I could not eat much initially but I still felt good. Even the food sensitivities started fading. The early part of this year felt like a step backwards. With a continuous dull headache and sensitivity to sugar once again, I was slipping back to a worse state. So then the search was on for what change was critical. I'm still sorting that all out.
I hope by this summer to be in great shape, having finally licked the major remaining mysteries. My fingers are crossed as I forge ahead. There's no doubt in my mind that in time I will work this all out. I just need to maintain my resolve to stay the course.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Got Patience?
Over the weekend I had dinner with two dear friends of mine. During the conversation, R surprised me with an unexpected question: "Are you patient?" I paused for a moment to reflect on that, knowing immediately that the truthful answer was complicated.
"It depends on the situation," I replied. In a number of circumstances, I am quite measured and thoughtful. Some might say even a bit reserved. In other cases, I am quite the opposite. Sometimes even to my surprise. In some situations, I can go from zero to irritated in no time flat. Such situations often involve time being wasted on needless activities. I want to see action. I want to see progress. Processes that stymie progress are frustrating to me. These responses color a lot of the frustration I have at times with my job. I like to be engaged and invested in what I do. I struggle to stay invested when no one else steps forward.
With time I've learned to handle certain situations better. Yet there are still times where those colors show through. Often in cases where the communication channel is so bad that there is not much I can do to change the outcome. Thankfully I've mostly learned not to fight the battles that are lost at the beginning.
There is still always room for improvement and I'm sensitive to the times that I cross the line. There's an internal voice in my head that points those moments out rather clearly. The challenge then becomes internalizing the preconditions to avoid having the same response in the future.
"It depends on the situation," I replied. In a number of circumstances, I am quite measured and thoughtful. Some might say even a bit reserved. In other cases, I am quite the opposite. Sometimes even to my surprise. In some situations, I can go from zero to irritated in no time flat. Such situations often involve time being wasted on needless activities. I want to see action. I want to see progress. Processes that stymie progress are frustrating to me. These responses color a lot of the frustration I have at times with my job. I like to be engaged and invested in what I do. I struggle to stay invested when no one else steps forward.
With time I've learned to handle certain situations better. Yet there are still times where those colors show through. Often in cases where the communication channel is so bad that there is not much I can do to change the outcome. Thankfully I've mostly learned not to fight the battles that are lost at the beginning.
There is still always room for improvement and I'm sensitive to the times that I cross the line. There's an internal voice in my head that points those moments out rather clearly. The challenge then becomes internalizing the preconditions to avoid having the same response in the future.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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